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Published on January 29, 2012 by Adi Jaffe, Ph.D. in All About Addiction

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Do you say hateful things to yourself? ?Many of us do.

Everyone has internal beliefs about what they are, or aren?t, good at. For many these have become an implicit reality?facts about life that are rarely examined and never questioned. The ?gravity? of our lives.

When I review these internal beliefs with clients, especially those in early recovery but also others who don?t have trouble with addiction per se, we often find that they are packed full of negative self-beliefs and self-talk. Phrases like ?I?m impatient/rude/stupid,? ?I?m not good at doing _____,? or ?I can?t handle _____? are so commonplace in psychotherapy circles that restructuring them can often become the focus of many sessions. And negative self-beliefs are a huge source of shame, and you know how I feel about that.

Inevitably these negative self-beliefs and the associated shame are often the remnants of past experience, whether personal or ?other? inflicted. Poor performance in some childhood activity, ridicule by peers, or harsh words from misguided parents can lead to seemingly permanent imprints on the world-view of the young, and then the older. Ironically, even seemingly self-assured views like ?I am in control of my life? can become defeating when they turn into ?I am a failure because I can?t handle this on my own.? We get that one a lot in addiction treatment from clients who think that they are weak because they?ve found themselves needing help. Again, this thought pattern leads to shame and often resistance to receiving the necessary addiction help.

As usual, a big part of dealing with these issues, from both a cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) point of view and a humanistic one, is to examine their sources and test their appropriateness. It?s rare that these statements prove universally true and it?s even more infrequent that they turn out to have no connection to a small set of past hurts that happened long ago. In recovery from addiction, I often have clients look at how many other things in life they?ve needed help with ? learning how to read, how to play sports, or how to do well at their job. We?re constantly relying on others for help, but when it comes to our psychological functioning we believe that we should be masters regardless of our level of training ? a belief that I see as having no basis. But then again, I am a psychologist?

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How to break negative self-talk and self-belief cycles

Image: nahlinse

For readers who want to test their own beliefs and the existence of their own negative self-talks it helps to keep a written journal. Make a list of such negative self-beliefs that you are already aware of and try to be as aware as possible of negative self-talk as it happens over the course of one whole day. Write those down too. Now, using a whole line on a piece of paper (or a spread-sheet if you want to be super organized about this) create little spaces (columns) to write down a single situation in which those thoughts and beliefs come up for you in everyday life. In the nest column put down an objective assessment of what actually happened. In the last column write a short assessment of how close your initial internal dialog was to the ?truth.?

Let?s use an example ? Imagine getting an upset email from your boss that brings up your good old ?I?m never going to succeed? negative self-belief. When you go to your journal and find the line for that specific negative belief you write ?got upset email from boss? in column one and ?boss was upset that I forgot to send out update email yesterday as expected? in column two. Now examine your current level of functioning at work in light of this specific mistake, past work occurrences, and the very near future.

If you?ve been held back from advancement repeatedly and been scolded, fired, or nearly fired for forgetting these sorts of things in the past, the belief might be a sign that you need to become active about finding ways to improve on this sort of forgetfulness in the future. But if such occurrences are relatively rare and haven?t caused negative consequences at work or other environments, then it sounds like the belief is an exaggeration of a much less frightening reality along the lines of ?I don?t always perform perfectly at work.? I don?t know about you, but that sort of internal belief I can live with.

Now go on and do your homework ? or are you a slacker?!

? 2012 Adi Jaffe, All Rights Reserved

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Tags: addiction recovery, belief, cognitive behavioral therapy

This is a brilliant guest post from DV Diary, whom you can also follow on twitter @dvdiary.

1. How would you describe your feminism in one sentence? When did you become a feminist? Was it before or after you became a mother?

I became a committed feminist while studying domestic violence as part of a social work degree I did at the University of Sydney as a ?mature age? student. During this time I realised I was experiencing domestic violence, and had been for many years. My feminism is heavily influenced by the women?s domestic violence movement, and it led me to become a DV worker, once I had become safe myself. My feminism is informed by feminist theories of domestic violence as a gendered crime; a product of the patriarchy; a deliberate pattern of tactics used mostly by men against women to control them and keep them in fear. It is the belief that women and children have the right to equality, respect, freedom, safety and security. I came to feminism several years before becoming a mother. I have written a blog post about how I came to feminism.

2. What has surprised you most about motherhood?

What has surprised me most about motherhood is the loss of feelings of self-worth derived from going to work and feeling like I am contributing, being productive and achieving something. I struggled with the reality of the intensity of mothering, and with getting very little else done, and with having nothing tangible to show for all my hard work. I struggled too with frightening postnatal depression and feelings of being a ?fraud? as a mother. This is all with a respectful, non-abusive, non-controlling, non-violent partner. I often admire how my clients manage to mother through domestic violence and I am thankful that I escaped it prior to becoming a mother, as DV usually involves a systematic undermining by the perpetrator of a mother?s bond with her children and of her confidence as a parent.

3. How has your feminism changed over time??What is the impact of?motherhood?on your feminism?

My feminism underwent its most fundamental change several years ago when I was studying domestic violence and escaping it myself. Before that it was lacking in conviction and undermined by trauma. The impact of motherhood on my feminism is not yet clear. I am only a few months into my mothering journey. However, if anything, motherhood has made clearer to me the wider impact of gender inequality beyond the particular effects of domestic violence.

4. What makes your mothering feminist? How does your approach?differ from a non-feminist mother?s? How does feminism impact upon your parenting?

I?m not sure I can yet answer the question of what makes my mothering feminist, but feminism impacts upon my mothering in that I am aware of the challenges I face in raising a child in a society that is so hostile and disrespectful of women, girls and mothers. I hope to raise a child who believes in social justice, gender equality, respectful relating and non-violence. Feminism impacts upon my mothering in that I treat my child with the respect he deserves as an individual; he is not my property, he is my responsibility to love and care for and then let go into the world. I hope he will reciprocate this respect. I don?t know how my approach differs from a non-feminist mother?s.

5. Do you ever feel?compromised as a feminist mother? Do you ever feel you?ve failed as a feminist mother?

I have not yet had time to feel that I have failed as a feminist mother, as I am still learning what it means to be a feminist mother. It has only been through my recent thinking and reading that I am realising that I am a feminist mother. In another blog post of mine I write briefly of the guilt and trauma I felt for some time at not being able to birth my baby the way I would have liked, and at not being able to breastfeed him the way I wanted. But I am over this now, and I am focusing on building a loving and respectful relationship with my son.

6. Has identifying as a feminist mother ever been difficult? Why?

This is the question I have struggled with most in this series. Any difficulties I have experienced in identifying as a feminist mother must be couched in terms of my white middle class privilege. But even with such privilege, identifying as a feminist mother so far is a tricky undertaking because most people are still suspicious of the idea. ?My partner and a few select friends are really the only ones who are aware of my views, apart from my colleagues at the domestic violence service where I work. Being a feminist mother entails different things to different people. Here are some examples where I believe I am embodying my version of feminist motherhood, and where I have been challenged:

• at work, being asked if becoming a mother will change the way I view my clients (the inference being that these women are failing to protect their children from their violent fathers). If anything, becoming a mother has given me even more empathy for my clients with children who are safety planning around an abusive partner.
• whilst pregnant, navigating the dominant discourse of the patriarchal biomedical establishment in order to achieve the kind of pregnancy and birth for my child and myself I was hoping for, i.e. safe but also with as little medical intervention as possible
• the trauma experienced when this did not eventuate
• mothering through residual trauma from domestic violence experienced in a previous relationship
• fielding comments from clueless friends (both male and female) who think that being on maternity leave and caring for a baby is one big holiday
• struggling with debates about pornography, censorship and violence against women
• feeling powerless and hopeless in the face of the worldwide prevalence of violence against women, and wondering how so many in society can be either indifferent to it or misunderstand it

• Again, I feel I will have more to write on this question as time goes on and I have more experience of being a feminist mother.

7. Motherhood involves sacrifice, how do you reconcile that with being a feminist?

My feminism involves a belief that women and children have a right to respectful relationships, safety, equality, freedom and security. I feel this approach is congruent with the sacrifices of motherhood, especially because I am privileged to have become a mother through choice and in a safe and respectful environment. I do struggle with how to balance motherhood with my desire for learning, reading, writing and activism, and when I return to work I will probably struggle with how to balance mothering with a demanding, unpredictable and fulfilling job. For a time I was falling into that old socialisation of not looking after myself as much as I look after my family, resulting in feelings of scathing resentment against my bewildered partner. He had encouraged me from early on to take time out from him and our baby, but I had said ?I?m not ready?. It took a moment of desperate exhaustion before I realised that I must take responsibility for my own wellbeing. As other feminist mothers have written before me, I am then modeling for my son that I am worthy.

8. If you have a partner, how does your partner feel about your feminist motherhood? What is the impact of your feminism on your partner?

My partner is both bemused and respectful of my feminist motherhood and my interest in domestic violence. He worries that I am upsetting myself and working too hard. He is also proud of my views and my commitment; he often repeats views I have expressed, and we have conversations that challenge us both and bring us closer. He supports and facilitates my approach to mothering. The main thing that attracted me to him was that I could see he was respectful of women. I was confident that I would be safe with him, and that our children would be safe with him, even if we were ever to separate. The impact of my feminism on him is that he is challenged every day and he is required to step up. Sometimes he struggles with the reality of the oppression of women in our society. I think he would rather it weren?t the case but he realises it is. He is better than me at using humour to cope.

9. If you?re an attachment parenting mother, what challenges if any does this pose for your feminism and how have you resolved them?

I did not realise that I am an attachment parenting mother until I started reading bluemilk. If I go by the guidelines of Attachment Parenting Australia, then yes, I am an attachment parenting mother.? But if I go by the standards of other more extreme attachment parents, such as ?Uma? who made her views known on bluemilk last year, then I don?t come up to scratch.

I came to attachment parenting through gut instinct, through advice from public hospital midwives, and by reading different material, but I didn?t realise it was called this. When pregnant I read Sarah Buckley?s ?Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering?, which I loved. I don?t feel there is a huge divide between attachment parenting as promoted by APA and my feminism, but I do wonder how attachment parenting (especially the more fundamentalist approaches) addresses the issue of domestic violence. Also, in all the comments responding to bluemilk?s post, I was a little surprised that there didn?t appear to be any mention of how the current situation in the Family Court of Australia is in direct opposition to attachment parenting.

Domestic violence against women with children usually includes a sustained and systematic undermining by the perpetrator of a mother?s parenting and her bond with her children. Women?s ability to parent is seriously impeded in this situation, which could interfere with the practice of attachment parenting, or conversely, could find them forced into a situation of isolation in the guise of attachment parenting (also referred to by bluemilk). Should a woman with children leave an abusive partner and the issue of contact with the children proceed to legal action, the current situation in the Family Court of Australia is such that she could find herself bound by a court order to allow her abusive ex-partner to see the children. Besides posing a great risk to the children and allowing for further abuse and control of the mother by the perpetrator via the children, such an arrangement would not allow for attachment parenting in it?s purest form. This would pose a huge challenge for a mother attempting to practice attachment parenting, and it would be entirely beyond her control. Examples of this include cases where breastfeeding mothers were forced to wean their babies in order to comply with court orders.

This situation in the Family Court came about after powerful right-wing conservative ?men?s rights? groups successfully lobbied the Howard government, which then brought in the 2006 amendments to the Family Law Act. These amendments resulted in the right of fathers to have contact with their children taking precedence over the right to safety of children and mothers. Thankfully, due to the tireless work of feminists in the domestic violence sector and others elsewhere, a Bill to make changes to the Act has passed the Senate and should be in place later in the year. This will go some way towards improving the situation but will not solve all the deeply entrenched problems of the patriarchal court system and domestic violence in general. In this respect attachment parenting definitely needs feminism.

10. Do you feel feminism has failed mothers and if so how? Personally, what do you think?feminism has given mothers?

I do not think that feminism has failed mothers in that it is the very thing that led to the domestic violence movement over the past 30 to 40 years. This brought domestic violence out of the private and into the public sphere, with the result that society could no longer ignore it to such an extent. With this movement came legislative and policy reforms that have improved somewhat the responses to domestic violence and the options available to women experiencing it. Current best practice in mainstream domestic violence policy is based on feminist perspectives of DV being a product of patriarchy. There is of course still much to be done. Feminism is seen to have let mothers down where they don?t fit into the dominant discourse of white privilege, and responses for mothers who are culturally and linguistically diverse, living with a disability, older, trans, same-sex and experiencing domestic violence definitely need to improve.

Here are some readings that influence my feminism, my mothering, my work and my life?

Books

• Trauma and Recovery ? by feminist psychiatrist Judith Herman, offers a history of trauma and outlines how DV trauma is similar to the trauma experienced by political prisoners.
• Mothering through domestic violence ? by Marianne Hester and Lorraine Radford
• Safety Planning With Battered Women: Complex Lives/Difficult Choices

By Jill M. Davies, Eleanor Lyon, Diane Monti-Catani

• Challenging Silence: innovative responses to sexual and domestic violence ? edited by Jan Breckenridge and Lesley Laing

Research/papers

• No way to live: negotiating the family law system in the context of domestic violence ? by Lesley Laing http://www.bensoc.org.au/uploads/documents/no-way-to-live-snapshot-june2010.pdf

Websites

• Australian Domestic and Family Violence Clearinghouse -http://www.adfvc.unsw.edu.au/
• Put Safety First in Family Law ? http://safetyinfamilylaw.com/

(You can find all the many other responses in this series here. If you?d like to respond to these questions yourself you can either email me your answers and I?ll put them on blue milk as a guest post or you can post them elsewhere and let me know and I?ll link to them).

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Tags: mature age student, mother, social work degree

NEW YORK (Reuters) – A lot of loyal Facebook fans and occasional investors are discovering a hard truth this week: Money and connections talk, especially when it comes to a hot deal handled by Wall Street.

The scramble for shares in what is one of largest initial public offerings in U.S. history quickly divided the haves from the have-nots on Thursday. Those with big brokerage accounts and a long history as customers of Wall Street firms likely got at least part of their orders for Facebook shares filled, but would-be buyers who had no such ties were lucky to get any.

At stake may well be the chance to cash in on a big pop in the shares — some in the market expect a gain of 50 percent or more — when they start trading on Friday.

“This is worse than not scoring an invitation to the best party in high school,” said Fran Carpentier, 57, a publishing and marketing consultant in New York City who wanted to get in on the social media company’s IPO but could not figure out how.

Facebook raised about $16 billion on Thursday by selling roughly 421 million shares at $38 each. That is approximately half a share for each of its 900 million active monthly users.

It may end up raising even more, bringing the total to $18.4 billion, if an option for underwriters is exercised.

Demand for the long-awaited deal has been surging, helped by wall-to-wall media coverage. Orders for Facebook shares outweigh the supply by a ratio of more than 20 to 1, according to traders’ estimates.

Aside from wanting the cachet of owning the next big thing, investors are eager to buy something that may deliver big, even astronomical returns — a rare opportunity in today’s low-yield and turbulent markets. IPOs often offer an early pop, even if the shares stumble later, and Facebook is seen initially climbing further than most.

UNCOMFORTABLE

Facebook and underwriters, as usual, kept mum about overall demand ahead of the IPO. Facebook, which will trade under the ticker FB, did not return calls for comment.

There have been growing expectations in the market that small investors, as opposed to big pension and mutual fund managers, have snapped up as much as 30 percent of the deal. That’s a bigger chunk than the 10 percent to 15 percent that is typically allocated to retail investors. It is a result of efforts by Facebook executives to make shares available to more users.

Underwriters are accommodating Facebook’s wishes and there were signs late on Thursday that they were releasing more shares to individual investors than previously expected.

For example, Morgan Stanley Smith Barney, which is the brokerage arm of one of the lead underwriters, Morgan Stanley, emailed its wealth advisers late on Thursday afternoon to say that it had raised the cap for individual investors to 5,000 shares, from an initial 500 shares, according to sources who spoke on condition of anonymity.

“Retail got a lot more than I thought they did,” said Scott Sweet, senior managing partner of research firm IPO Boutique. “I don’t know what the final split was, but some of the retail clients who called me today were getting 15,000 or 20,000 shares.”

But the allocation may still not be nearly enough to meet demand. And even Sweet, who has been a client of Morgan Stanley for 15 years, hadn’t heard by late Thursday exactly how many shares he was going to get – he had earlier been told he would get less than 500.

That puts financial advisers and brokerage houses in the uncomfortable position of not having enough shares to satisfy Main Street investors clamoring to be a part of the hottest IPO since Google‘s 2004 debut.

One of those investors is Mary Furlong, who runs a marketing firm for baby boomers in Lafayette, California. “I want to buy shares. I missed the Google opening,” she says, but did not end up getting hold of any shares.

Google, whose founders made “Don’t be evil” a core principle, in 2004 issued its stock through a more transparent process known as a modified Dutch auction. Underwriters gathered bids from investors regardless of their connections or size of their portfolios.

That created more of a level playing field for potential investors. Google’s shares were priced at $85, climbed to $100 on Day 1 and are now trading at about $623.

Facebook is selling its shares through a traditional Wall Street IPO, a more subjective process, one managed by investment bankers.

“The deal is probably not ‘fair,’ but there’s no way it can be,” said Bruce Foerster, owner of South Beach Capital Markets and former head of global equity syndicate at Lehman Brothers. “If you don’t have ties to Facebook management, if you don’t have accounts and an investment history with firms that are co-managing the deal, why should you get any stock?”

MANAGING EXPECTATIONS

Mindful that customers would be frustrated, Morgan Stanley Smith Barney early on distributed a script to its brokers on how to handle requests from clients, said one veteran broker.

“The minute someone says ?Facebook,’ we’re supposed to say, ?Yes, we’re the lead, but we can’t talk about it,’” the broker said. “I heard from three or four clients, and I told them there is no way I’ll be able to get them shares because I haven’t done IPO business in years.”

Other brokerages are in the same boat. Bank of America’s Merrill Lynch brokerage is limiting retail clients to a maximum 2,000 shares per account, according to brokers at the firm.

Wells Fargo Advisors, the brokerage arm of Wells Fargo & Co, has a scoring system for allocating shares among its more than 15,000 brokers. It weighs brokers’ annual revenue production, how much IPO work they do and how long their clients held positions in prior IPOs, according to one Wells Fargo broker.

Then, in turn, brokers score their clients based on assets with the firm, how much they have traded in the past, and how long they’ve held onto previous allocations of shares in IPOs.

“I can’t just get Facebook shares for my buddy,” said one Wells Fargo adviser, who declined to be named because he is not permitted to speak to the press.

At Fidelity, the funds and brokerage giant, Facebook shares will be reserved only for clients with at least $500,000 in assets, excluding 401(k) plans, or those who make at least 36 trades a year with the firm, according to Fidelity spokesman Stephen Austin.

Loyalty helps: Fidelity customers who have being doing business with the firm for the longest periods get higher priority in the IPO food chain.

While excluded investors may feel spurned, there’s nothing illegal about banks selling shares to their best customers. Whether it is fair to everyone is another question.

“People have argued that it leaves other investors out, especially for hot IPOs, where in the after-market the prices are likely to be much higher,” said Jill Fisch, a professor at the University of Pennsylvania Law School.

Maurice Costello, a former broker who works as an accountant in the Boston area, says he has ordered Facebook at $37 a share through his E*Trade account. But he has no idea how many shares he might ultimately receive.

The online brokerage, which typically caters to small investors, is one of 33 firms named by Facebook to distribute its newly issued shares. E*Trade would not comment on the Facebook IPO.

For some investors, buying into the IPO doesn’t necessarily mean holding on to the stock. Richard Laermer, who is CEO of social network ThankBank, is clamoring to get Facebook shares and flip, or sell them, at a profit.

“I am going to do what I did with LinkedIn, Groupon, Google, Research In Motion, AOL, Netscape, Dunkin Donuts … plus a host of 90s stocks that I can’t even recall,” Laermer wrote in an email to Reuters. “Buy on Day One, sell on Day Three. It never fails.”

(Additional reporting by Alistair Barr, Olivia Oran, Jessica Toonkel, John McCrank, Jennifer Cummings, Jed Horowitz, Andrew Longstreth and Lauren Young; Editing by Jilian Mincer, Martin Howell, Steve Orlofsky and Muralikumar Anantharaman)

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Tags: fran carpentier, initial public offerings, IPO

When the weather turns hot and the kids are out of school some days you are left unsure how to entertain them. One tried and true method around our house is Treasures in the Sand. It is a version of a game I played as a child.? It is very simple to play, you take a small child-sized pool, fill it up with sand and then put any sort of small treasures in it.

My kids love the archeologist version of it the best.? I bury pieces of pottery and other such toy items (sometimes dinosaurs) and then they hunt for them. They spend time cataloging each item,discussing it, and sorts of things. Since we live in Georgia and it gets pretty hot, they say it?s like being in Egypt.? Use your imagination and just go wild with it, although a word of caution; I put a screen and tarp over the sand to keep any creepy crawly things out and it allows us to use the sand all summer long.? When all of nieces and nephews are here we throw pennies in and they race to see who can find the most.

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Tags: creepy crawly, nieces and nephews, Sand

By Reuters

Warren Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway (BRK) is making another bet on the newspaper industry, with a deal to buy the majority of Media General Inc’s (MEG) papers for $142 million in cash.

Berkshire will also loan $400 million to the company and provide a $45 million credit line. Media General will issue warrants for approximately 4.6 million Class A shares, representing 19.9 percent of its existing shares outstanding.

Media General’s shares soared 38 percent to $4.33 in mid-morning trade, touching their highest level in six weeks. The company had said in February it was exploring the sale of the papers.

The 63 daily and weekly newspapers scattered throughout the U.S. Southeast, including the Richmond Times-Dispatch, will be operated under BH Media Group, a new subsidiary of Berkshire Hathaway. The sale does not include newspapers in Media General’s Tampa division, which will be sold separately.

Berkshire owns the Buffalo News, the Omaha World-Herald Co and a stake in the Washington Post Co. Berkshire also reportedly holds a small stake in the recently reorganized newspaper chain Lee Enterprises.

None of the papers that Berkshire owns directly are in the top 25 nationwide, according to the Audit Bureau of Circulations, which one analyst said fits with Buffett’s strategy.

“Berkshire Hathaway is clearly (taking) a vote of confidence in small-town local newspapers. They didn’t buy the big city newspaper Tampa Tribune, which is struggling,” said Benchmark Capital analyst Edward Atorino.

“They’re basically giving Media General a lease on life here. This is chump change but Berkshire Hathaway doesn’t fool around. I don’t think Berkshire Hathaway does anything where they’re going to lose money.”

Buffett is paying slightly less for the Media General papers than he paid late last year for his hometown paper, the World-Herald. That deal included six other dailies and several weeklies in Nebraska and Iowa.

That deal raised eyebrows, as it looked to some to be more like a rescue of a local business with a clouded financial picture than a long-term investment. Many also pointed to his highly skeptical comments in his 2007 letter to shareholders.

“When an industry’s underlying economics are crumbling, talented management may slow the rate of decline. Eventually, though, eroding fundamentals will overwhelm managerial brilliance,” he said in discussing the shrinking profits at his first newspaper holding, the Buffalo News.

But Buffett was adamant that the World-Herald deal was “reasonable,” and told shareholders earlier this month they were likely to see him do more.

“We may buy more newspapers. I think the economics work out OK,” Buffett said at Berkshire’s annual meeting on May 5.

The new holding entity, BH Media Group, also includes the World-Herald papers. Terry Kroeger, formerly CEO of the World-Herald Co, is president of the group.

It was not clear where or whether the Buffalo News fits into the new entity. Buffett’s assistant was not immediately available to comment.

With the nearly 20 percent stake in Media General, Buffett also gets a foot back into the broadcast television business, an industry he knows well. After the newspaper sale, the remaining Media General will be mostly a TV company, with a number of NBC affiliates.

In the 1980s, Buffett helped Capital Cities finance its purchase of the ABC television network and for years remained one of its key shareholders.

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Tags: General, omaha world herald, richmond times dispatch

Aishwarya Rai: A Bollywood superstar and new mother, Aishawarya Rai’s baby weight has sparked an international discussion of body image and weight loss following pregnancy. Are the West?s body image ideals spreading?

By Meredith Bennett-Smith,?Contributor / May 18, 2012

Aishwarya Rai, a Bollywood superstar and new mother, has sparked an international discussion of body image. In this file photo, jury members Indian actress and former Miss World Aishwarya Rai and director Steven Soderbergh stand together at the Cannes Film Festival in Cannes in 2003.

Eric Gaillard/Reuters

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A national treasure in her homeland of India, and a former Miss World, Bollywood star Aishwarya Rai has been receiving far less flattering attention of late, sparking an international debate over weight and body image, perhaps a reflection of a growing Westernization of body ideals in India that emphasizes maintaining a skinny physique at all times.

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The 38-year-old actress often referred to as the ?most beautiful woman in the world? gave birth to a daughter, Aradhya, last November with her husband, another famous actor, Amitabh Bachchan. But unlike global celebrities such as Angelina Jolie or Victoria Beckham, the new mother has yet to lose all of the weight gained during her pregnancy.

According to Yahoo News, new mothers are supposed to wait three months after giving birth before beginning a vigorous exercise or diet routine. For her critics, however, the six months that have already passed since her baby?s birth are unacceptable.

In fact, the Yahoo News piece cites a study by the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology that suggests that sudden and dramatic changes in a mother?s weight can be unhealthy for her and any future pregnancy.

These facts have done little to quiet Rai?s critics, however.

Only now beginning to step out in public again, Rai is causing a serious stir with her new figure. The Internet tongue wagging began in earnest after a recent video entitled ?Shocking! Fat Aishwayra Rai!? went viral on YouTube, receiving over half a million views. The video, posted by a group called ?Bollywood CIA,? juxtaposes before and post-pregnancy pictures of the star, with the sound of an elephant playing in the background.

ABC News reported on some of the snarky, and supportive, comments that have been pouring in.

Someone using the name ?Sharonnkatha? wrote, ?The woman is in the PUBLIC eye! Her baby is 7 months old and she looks like she gave birth yesterday! Not to mention she has a double chin! Sorry, many of us have had kids and WORKED hard to lose it. Motherhood doesn?t give you license to be overweight.

In an e-mail to ABC, Professor Rachel Dwyer, A professor of Indian Culture and Cinema at SOAS, at the University of London, said she felt the criticisms stemmed from a more Western viewpoint that is starting to now make inroads overseas.

?I think this baby weight thing is a western obsession with pulling stars down,? she wrote. ?Women who lose weight are congratulated and those who don?t are seen as letting themselves go. I?ve not heard of it in India before.?

Related: Are you a Helicopter Parent? Take our quiz to find out!

Recently, American supermodel Molly Sims received some attention for admitting publicly she loves the freedom her pregnancy has given her. Ms. Sims, who has walked the catwalk for Victoria Secret, among others, said she is all too happy to indulge her pregnancy cravings.

Rai has so far responded only that she is ?enjoying ? motherhood, according to Yahoo News.

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Experience has shown that creative visualization works. It is quite possible to prove that circumstances and events follow thoughts. Take any situation or happening in your life, and go back to find what kind of thoughts preceded the event. You will find out that a particular event, followed particular thoughts.

Here are the reasons why visualization produces results:

# We are an inseparable part of the creative Universal Mind. Our thoughts are projected into this omnipotent power, and cause its tremendous power act on our behalf. The Universal mind and us are partners in creating our life.

# Everything in the Universe is interconnected. Each thought, action and event in the universe are connected, and influence each other. Each thought and action causes reactions and repercussions.

# Everything in the Universe is energy. We see differences because each object has a different wavelength and density. We live in an ocean of energy. Each wave in this ocean influences the other waves. Thoughts, as part of this body of energy, work with the creative Universal energy and interact with it.

# Thoughts are like a magnet, they attract similar thoughts and circumstances. Thinking one thought invites into the mind more similar thoughts and ideas. These thoughts tend to attract circumstances that are in accordance with them.

# A clear mental image radiates from the mind of the one thinking it, and is transmitted to other minds. Whoever is receptive to this kind of thought may perceive it and act on it, thus being the agent to fulfill the desire.

# By repeating the same thoughts day after day, the subconscious mind is driven to act on them. In this way habits and behavior are formed. The thoughts that sink into the subconscious mind drive people into corresponding action.

# Each thought we think arouses an associated emotion. If the emotion is strong enough, it incites to action. Strong thoughts energized by emotions cause more energetic and definite action

than weak thoughts. Such an action brings results in accordance with the thought that prompted it.

# Similar thoughts bring people together. When one person has a need, and the other can supply it, their thinking can bring them together in a surprising manner. This is what we call a coincidence.

Some time ago I have heard the following story, which can illustrate such a coincidence:

A woman has been searching for of a new job as a graphic designer. One morning, while going towards her car, she found out that she had a flat tire. Reluctantly she took the spare tire out, and prepared herself for the unpleasant task of changing it.

As she was trying to loosen the screws of the tire, a car stopped by, and the driver asked her if she needed any assistance. She accepted his help, and while changing the wheel they started to talk.

It turned out that he owned a graphics designing company, and needed desperately a qualified and experienced graphic designer. To her surprise and joy, he requested her to come to his office later during the day, with her certificates and recommendations for an interview.

She did not have to wait for the interview, as she was always carrying her certificates and recommendations with her. When he saw them, he was deeply impressed and hired her on the spot.

This meeting brought together two people who needed each other in some way. It was no coincidence, as one was thinking about hiring someone, and the other about finding a new job. Their thoughts brought them into meeting each other.

This is an excerpt from the book ?Visualize and Achieve? by Remez Sasson

? Copyright Remez Sasson

Remez Sasson writes and teaches about self-improvement, positive thinking, creative visualization, success, mind power, spiritual growth and meditation. He is the author of several books, and the publisher of the biweekly ezine, ?Consciousness and Success?.

Visit his website http://www.SuccessConsciousness.com, and find many article, quotes and ebooks.

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May 15, 2012 07:08 GMT

Today is Tuesday, May 15, the 136th day of 2012. There are 230 days left in the year.

Today’s Highlight in History:

On May 15, 1972, Alabama Gov. George C. Wallace was shot and left paralyzed by Arthur H. Bremer while campaigning in Laurel, Md., for the Democratic presidential nomination. (Wallace died in 1998; Bremer was released from prison in November 2007 after serving 35 years of a 53-year sentence for attempted murder.)

On this date:

In 1602, English navigator Bartholomew Gosnold and his ship, the Concord, arrived at present-day Cape Cod, which he’s credited with naming.

In 1776, Virginia endorsed American independence from Britain.

In 1862, President Abraham Lincoln signed an act establishing the Department of Agriculture. Austrian author and playwright Arthur Schnitzler was born in Vienna.

In 1911, the Supreme Court ruled that Standard Oil Co. was a monopoly in violation of the Sherman Antitrust Act, and ordered its breakup.

In 1930, registered nurse Ellen Church, the first airline stewardess, went on duty aboard an Oakland-to-Chicago flight operated by Boeing Air Transport (a forerunner of United Airlines).

In 1942, President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a measure creating the Women’s Army Auxiliary Corps, whose members came to be known as WACs. Wartime gasoline rationing went into effect in 17 Eastern states, limiting sales to three gallons a week for non-essential vehicles.

In 1963, astronaut L. Gordon Cooper blasted off aboard Faith 7 on the final mission of the Project Mercury space program.

In 1970, just after midnight, Phillip Lafayette Gibbs and James Earl Green, two black students at Jackson State College in Mississippi, were killed as police opened fire during student protests.

In 1972, the United States returned the prefecture of Okinawa to Japanese administration.

In 1975, U.S. forces invaded the Cambodian island of Koh Tang and recaptured the American merchant ship Mayaguez. (All 40 crew members had already been released safely by Cambodia; some 40 U.S. servicemen were killed in the operation.)

In 1987, President Ronald Reagan told a gathering of out-of-town reporters at the White House he did not consider himself “mortally wounded” by the Iran-Contra affair. (The president got to relive his radio-announcer days when he complied with a reporter’s request to read aloud a promo for Nashville station WSM.)

In 1991, Edith Cresson was appointed by French President Francois Mitterrand (frahn-SWAH’ mee-teh-RAHN’) to be France’s first female prime minister.

Ten years ago: The White House acknowledged that in the weeks before the Sept. 11 attacks, President George W. Bush was told by U.S. intelligence that Osama bin Laden’s terrorist network might hijack American airplanes, but that officials did not know suicide hijackers were plotting to use planes as missiles. Financier Martin Frankel pleaded guilty in New Haven, Conn., to 24 counts of securities fraud and racketeering, admitting that he’d looted insurance companies of more than $200 million. (Frankel was later sentenced to nearly 17 years in federal prison.)

Five years ago: The Rev. Jerry Falwell, who’d built the Christian right into a political force, died in Lynchburg, Va., at age 73. Yolanda King, the firstborn child of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. and Coretta Scott King, died in Santa Monica, Calif., at age 51. President George W. Bush chose Lt. Gen. Douglas Lute to oversee the fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan as a war czar. Prime Minister Bertie Ahern became the first Irish leader to address the joint houses of the British Parliament. Kenny Chesney collected his third consecutive entertainer of the year trophy from the Academy of Country Music.

One year ago: Thousands of Arab protesters marched on Israel’s borders with Syria, Lebanon and Gaza in an unprecedented wave of demonstrations, sparking clashes that left at least 15 dead. Finland scored five late goals to beat Sweden 6-1 and claim its second title at the ice hockey world championship played in Bratislava, Slovakia.

Today’s Birthdays: Playwright Sir Peter Shaffer is 86. Actress-singer Anna Maria Alberghetti is 76. Counterculture icon Wavy Gravy is 76. Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright is 75. Singer Trini Lopez is 75. Singer Lenny Welch is 74. Actress-singer Lainie Kazan is 72. Actress Gunilla Hutton is 70. Country singer K.T. Oslin is 70. Singer-songwriter Brian Eno is 64. Actor Nicholas Hammond (“The Sound of Music”) is 62. Actor Chazz Palminteri is 60. Baseball Hall-of-Famer George Brett is 59. Musician-composer Mike Oldfield (“Tubular Bells”) is 59. Actor Lee Horsley is 57. TV personality Giselle Fernandez is 51. Football Hall-of-Famer Emmitt Smith is 43. Singer-rapper Prince Be (PM Dawn) is 42. Actor Brad Rowe is 42. Actor David Charvet (shahr-VAY’) is 40. Actor Russell Hornsby is 38. Rock musician Ahmet Zappa is 38. Olympic gold-medal gymnast Amy Chow is 34. Actor David Krumholtz is 34. Actress Jamie-Lynn Sigler is 31. Rock musician Brad Shultz (Cage the Elephant) is 30. Rock musician Nick Perri is 28.

Thought for Today: “Martyrdom has always been a proof of the intensity, never of the correctness of a belief.” — Arthur Schnitzler (1862-1931).

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MUMBAI, India ? India’s Piramal Healthcare says it will buy a U.S. healthcare information company, Decision Resources Group, for 34 billion rupees ($635 million).

The announcement Wednesday is the second overseas acquisition in two months by Piramal.

Piramal agreed in April to buy a portfolio of medical imaging molecules from Germany’s Bayer Pharma including an Alzheimer’s diagnosis it says could yield $1.5 billion in revenue.

Decision Resources Group, based in Burlington, Massachusetts, provides research and analysis to pharmaceutical companies. It projects revenue this year will be $160 million.

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